My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
