you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you had me at cake vodka
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
