Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize