Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
