omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
