I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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