I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
