i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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