Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
