Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's blow job season.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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