I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
