i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize