Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
