She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
