I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
