It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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