Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
