Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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