I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
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