Don't EVER smell your tampon
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
