saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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