so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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