I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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