I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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