No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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