We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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