she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
