my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
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