So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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