Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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