Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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