Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
