Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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