he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
