If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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