Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
