Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
