Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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