I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
