like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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