if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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