I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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