Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
