Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Shame - the story of my life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
