why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize