the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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