Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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