Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
