no, he came in my armpit
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
