the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
