On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
