gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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