I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
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