"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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