She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
