sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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