the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
