He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
These tits shall not be calmed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
