I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
