He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
