How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
