Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
