mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
