Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
