i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
