New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
