my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
