2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize