my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
