But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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