Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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