Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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