They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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