He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
