I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We left the knife in your bed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
