dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
