just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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