i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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