FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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