Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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