took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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