Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
