i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
